So I finally decided to google my name
michael porter is reminding us to strategically place the 'e' back in earnings
michael porter is the undisputed guru of competitive strategy
michael porter is an extremely important commentator in strategic management issues
michael porter is an important commentator in strategic management michael porter came up with the five forces model of strategic
michael porter is the world?s leading authority on competitive strategy and international competitiveness
michael porter is a professor at the harvard business school and leader of the school?s competition and strategy group
michael porter is the most famous strategist in business sector of our decade
michael porter is without doubt one of the most eminent corporate strategists of our time and this event in ucc presents a unique opportunity for those
michael porter is a good judge; he has the respect of his peers and attorneys and citizens
michael porter is an important and expensive decision
michael porter is
michael porter is a professor in the harvard business school
michael porter is the #1 consultant/guru in the world and this year he is emphasizing strategic marketing
michael porter is back
michael porter is real
michael porter is an excellent source for providing critical analysis for strategic planning
michael porter is arguably the father of business strategy
michael porter is now a resident of southern utah after spending ten years among the native peoples of the amazon rainforest
michael porter is to receive £50
michael porter is wrong
michael porter is the world?s most influential modern thinker on competitive strategy and international competitiveness
michael porter is the author of the conspiracy to destroy black women
michael porter is the survey party chief
michael porter is disgusted with ceos and other managers
michael porter is shown in class
michael porter is a genius
michael porter is reportedly rarely seen around the firm
michael porter is wrong"
michael porter is a guru
michael porter is based on industrial organization theory
michael porter is fundamental to an understanding of modern business strategy
michael porter is the c
michael porter is wrong about the internet
michael porter is regarded as a god among competitive strategic thinkers
michael porter is een verzameling van reeds gepubliceerde artikelen
michael porter is leading a study of five industry clusters
michael porter is considered a guru of strategy because he provided a systematic way of assessing an industry
michael porter is big
michael porter is wrong about the dogs
michael porter is the definitive thinker on the subject of strategy

Well there you go... I apparently know a lot about strategy but I'm more intrigued by the 50 pounds and my apparent vendetta against black women. Competitive strategic thinkers think I'm a god. I knew there had to be something good to say about them.

posted by Michael 7:29 PM . . .

. . .

SNL --When it was Edgy...
Saturday Night Live had some great skits... they were at their best when they were being edgy and politcal and as far from politicaly correct as the censors would let them step. Chevy Chase and Richard Pryor were brilliant... Eddie Murphy and his Mr. Rogers send-off. But my favourite sketch of all time has to be the TimeSavers skit. A brief shining moment in an otherwise pretty dull season. Now, of course, SNL is watered down pablum with too much emphasis on finding that next break out star and not enough on finding a sketch that is actually funny.

I wonder if it is the natural cycle of the sketch comedy show. Edgy and apolitical debut with a gradual slow spiral into mediocrity. Mad TV definitely follows the trend. The Greatest action Story ever Told was a brilliant spoof but now they're falling into the same old patterns with the same tired characters. (But if anyone can point me to a website that has the Jesus/Terminator skit archived, I'd be grateful!)

I wonder if it is a case of familiarity breeding contempt and if people stumbling across SNL or MadTv for the first time see something that is vibrant and funny and new. Nah. They just suck.

posted by Michael 5:51 PM . . .

. . .

On the kind of creepy side
So you hate the spider that terrorizes you from the top corner of your room? Be grateful that its just the one! Russel Jervis had tens of millions. That's right... millions. Working industriously the arachnids acted out a scene from a b-grade horror movie and enshrouded 60 kilometers of his farm in webs. And no one is really sure why. This stuff wasn't your average sticky web across your face when you walk between two trees spider web either. The silk was strong enough to support and suspend a coffee cup.

According to biologists gathering insects seemed almost incidental to the spiders' activity. One observer suggested (jokingly) that maybe they were ganging up to try and catch a sheep. Cold weather, snow and wind eventually destroyed their effort whatever it was.

You can read the story here.

posted by Michael 10:02 AM . . .

. . .

The Future of Homeland Security?
According to Amnesty International thirty people have been jailed in China for surfing the internet and sharing their opinions on-line. China's Foreign Ministry spokesman Kong Quan said he had not seen the Amnesty report, but added: "The Amnesty International organization in the past has often issued statements with no basis whatsoever." which is a great dodge because it does not address whether this one is true or not. Oh sure! This one is true but they've lied in the past.

Two of the people arrested have died in custody. Those two just happen to be the only followers of Falun Gong amongst the group. How strange! I wonder how that happened? It must have been an accident.

Kong Quan went on to say that the clamp down wasn't actually an abuse of human rights but a necessary step in stabilizing and securing China's homeland security. Hmmmm... I wonder how long it will be before we start hearing those sorts of statements at home? I can picture Ari Fleisher and Tom Ridge sitting and taking notes. "Ooooh 'stabilizing'! Good word."

You can read the article here.

I have no idea whose cartoon this is. It was sent to me by a friend so I've posted it here with absolutely no permission whatsoever because it made me chuckle.

posted by Michael 9:18 AM . . .

. . .

Another Christmas bit...

Jesus was a handful at Christmas. It didn’t matter where Mary or Joseph hid the presents, He would always find them. As He got older he realized that having His birthday on the same day was a real bummer. Other friends got two sets of presents. Judas would bring by his ‘Roman Centurion Ken with the super sword grip’ sometime in May and gloat.

“Yeah? Well… I got some myrrh last year.”

“Myrrh? What’s that?”

Jesus shrugged noncommittally. “Dunno… but some kings brought it for me.”

“Real kings?” asked Judas skeptically.

“Yep. Real kings. Three of them. They had funny hats.”

After a moment of thought, Judas said, “I’d rather have Centurion Ken.”

Jesus just shrugged again and scuffed his sandals. So would He.

posted by Michael 3:43 PM . . .

. . .

The annual posting of...

A Christmas Story…

“There’s no use crying about it. What’s done is done.” My father fussed with the hem of his plaid shirt twisting his sausage fingers into the fabric. I sat in the duck boat mouth agape. Eyes watering. Breathing deep through my nose, I tried hard to keep the tears from falling. He made a show of fixing up the plastic reeds stuck to the outside edge of the boat. The air seemed unnaturally quiet as though still startled by the explosive retort of the gun now forgotten at the bottom of the boat between an old wooden duck call and a few ragged copies of ‘The Outdoorsman’. Barrel still steaming in the chill December air. He patted my shoulder roughly and repeated. “What’s done is done.” He bent to pick up his paddle. I sat in the prow facing forward jarring only slightly as we ran aground.

“Well… don’t just sit there kid. We’ve got presents to collect.” He moved among the wreckage picking up and shaking gaudily wrapped packages rescued from the debris. Reluctantly, I splashed to shore and joined him hesitant to touch the scattered parcels. We had been hoping for a plump duck or two to make our Christmas feast.

“Venison ‘ll do.” My father nodded. “Meat’s sweet.”

Later, around the fire in the comfort of our home with bellies full, he would laugh and raise a toast. We got a lot of presents that year, my sisters and I, but I couldn’t help wondering what would happen next year. My father was fond of saying, “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.”

But they sure can make a mess out of a flying reindeer.

copyright 2000, Mike Porter.

posted by Michael 3:29 PM . . .

. . .

The White House lawn was littered with fake id's as the Bush twins turned 21 yesterday. Their birthday was celebrated with a dance, a cake and lots of presents donated by various large corporations. Later the twins broke into daddy's liquor cabinet and snorted all his coke.

posted by Michael 12:11 AM . . .

. . .

Apparently my motto from the Weekly Name generator thingee is "You can't fix what isn't broken without smashing it up a bit first." Link liberally stolen from Jason Kenney. (Link to his site over to the right)

Serial Flasher Strikes Northern Virginia
Apparently a serial flasher is terrorizing Northern Virginia, specifically Manassas. There have been six reported incidents in the past seven weeks. I'm not 100% sure that terrorizing is exactly the correct word to use here however. Not quite the same level of fear from a flasher as with the sniper. Nobody staying home because they are afraid or pumping gas crouched over just in case the flasher happens to stop by. Not a whole lot of changing travel plans going on. "Be careful out there... you may see the flasher."

I guess if you're the flasher you've got to get your flashing in before the weather changes. I imagine incidents of flashing go way down once the first snows hit. Peopled doubled over laughing probably isn't the desired reaction "It looked like a penis... only smaller."

posted by Michael 11:17 PM . . .

. . .

Thoughts on the Death Penalty...

I am largely against the death penalty not out of any particular moral qualm surrounding killing an individual (though I do have them and do believe such arguments to be among the most persuasive). I am against the death penalty because more and more people are being released and acquitted of the crimes that they had originally been convicted for. This false conviction rate also occurs in death penalty cases and my feeling is so long as there is any possibility of an innocent person being convicted and executed then it is not appropriate for the penalty to be enforced. The life of one innocent person is more valuable then the lives of any number of murderers.

I know... I know... I just finished saying over on another blog that the idea that all human life is sacred and precious has a great deal of resonance for me but I also said that I’m not perfect and have a hard time living up to that ideal.

In my opinion... here’s a list of people who should not be pro-death penalty:

1. Anyone who believes abortion is wrong because it is murder. It is hypocritical to take the stance that murder is wrong and then not uphold that stance in every instance. If you believe life begins at conception and abortion is murder, you should also believe that the death penalty is wrong. If you don’t then it calls into question your conviction on your first stance.

2. Any catholic who accepts the doctrine undertaken by the Holy See to protect pedophile priests. If you believe that confession and absolution entitle a person to protection from the actions in their past then you must apply that belief to those under sentence of the death penalty as well. If the pedophile priest is protected because firing them and handing them over to the authorities violates the sanctity of confession and removes the possibility of contrition and redemption, the application of the death penalty does so in even greater measure.

3. Anyone who considers themselves a pacifist and believes that omission and commission are two sides of the same coin when it comes to taking action.

4. Anyone who feels moral outrage over the ordered stoning deaths of the women who have been sentenced to die in Nigeria for giving birth outside of wedlock. It is the punishment for the crime that they have committed.

I was scared during the sniper’s reign of terror. Two of the killings took place in my home county but I still think that it is appalling that the decision of where these individuals were going to stand trial was based primarily on the potential for both of them to receive the death penalty. That is not the ‘innocent until proven guilty’ ideal that is supposed to be the hallmark of our justice system.

if you are deciding where they are going to be killed, you have already decided their guilt. And that is a scary thought regardless. The primary concern should be “can they get a fair trial” not “can we kill the 17 year old in this county”.

just my thoughts...

posted by Michael 10:18 PM . . .

. . .

posted by Michael 11:32 AM . . .

. . .

Best Breathe While You Can!
Apparently our President is not satisfied with a single assault on the environment: increasing logging to prevent forest fires. Back in August appointed Allan Fitzsimmons as his new representative to look after his new forestry plan. Now I know a lot of politicians do absolutely nothing to help the environment and pander pretty blatantly to corporate interests at the expense of clean air, water, the ozone layer, endangered species and our lungs but they at least know that the environment exists even as they do all in their power to ruin it. Not Allan Fitzsimmons. Mr. Fitzsimmons denies the existence of environmental ecosystems. Thinks they are a fabrication. Just a ploy by environmentalists to put a check on economic expansion.

Well now Bush is opening up a second front in his war against the Earth and is seeking to repeal portions of the Clean Air Act to favour old coal-fire power plants and help them avoid having to purchase expensive pollution controls. Getting rid of more trees (you know the things that produce oxygen) while rolling back protective measures to keep our air clean strikes me as a pretty silly one-two punch. Logging, oil, against clean air... I'm surprised that he hasn't come out with a proposal to just abolish the environment altogether. It's just too big and too darn hard to keep clean.

You can read the article here

posted by Michael 8:54 PM . . .

. . .

Want to Beat Militant Islam? Hold More Beauty Pageants.
Controversy continues to follow the Miss World Beauty Pageant. First several contestant have (rightly) withdrawn in protest for the choice in venue. Nigeria's Islamic courts have sentenced several unmarried women to death by stoning for conceiving babies outside of wedlock. Of course if they had gotten an abortion they probably would have been set on fire. The human rights abuses in the country are appalling and we should be boycotting and refusing to support their regime with corporate monies and sponsorship. Now beauty pageants aren't exactly the most affirming of institutions for the liberation of women from the staid stereotypes of beauty but at least losing contestants go home with a nice bouquet and some fond memories and not a brick to the head.

Earlier today angry mobs stabbed and set fire to bystanders after a local newspaper suggested that Islam's founding prophet would have approved of the Miss World beauty pageant. At least 50 people have been killed and 200 injured. That's 50 Islamic fundamentalists dead and scores more injured without the loss of a single US soldier. Sure... it's in Nigeria and not in the Middle East but I'm sure there's a lesson that can be taken from this. And that lesson may well be: Islamic fundamentalists are idiots.

Go with that.

If a newspaper article can cause such chaos imagine what you could accomplish with a whole newsletter! Get 50000 printed up at Kinkos and snuck in and distributed then sit back and watch them beat eachother to death with flaming tires. It's bound to be cheaper then whatever the price tag is going to be for Bush's military option.

You can read the article here.

posted by Michael 9:28 PM . . .

. . .

According to the gender test... they measured me with an 86% probability of being a woman."Statistically speaking, you are a chick." Hmmm... I'll just echo Ampersand's comment about this explaining why my paycheck is so small. Try it out for yourself. The Gender test is here.

posted by Michael 11:52 PM . . .

. . .

Jackson Throws Baby Out With the Bathwater

How many different ways can you try to kill a child at once? Smothering with a towel in cold weather while dangling them out of a window with your arm around their neck. Maybe popstars just blow dry differently?

posted by Michael 11:14 PM . . .

. . .

Congratulations Pope John Paul!
The Pope (seen left throwing off the assistance of two cardinals trying to keep the Holy Father from kneeling in prayer) recently spoke 'ex cathedra' (meaning he was invoking his infallibility) to declare that he would in fact live forever! This should put to rest the ugly rumours that due to his poor health he may have had to step down. Nonsense! God has decreed that he is immortal. In a Papal decree published Monday, John Paul II proclaimed the doctrine of "Physical Immortality" of the Sovereign Pontiff. From now on, the bishop of Rome will "possess the temporal immanence with which the Divine Redeemer wished His Church to be endowed." The Pope is as immortal as the Chruch.

Of course... if he happens to keel over at any point that kinda blows the whole infallibility thing out of the water doesn't it? And what would that mean for the Church itself? It is as immortal as the Pope. The pope is dead... If I was the pope, I may just want to rethink this one. Maybe he got a comma wrong when he was hearing it from God.

Did you know that the Doctrine of Papal Infallibility squeeked through the first Vatican Council in 1870? The idea was passed by the attending Bishops by a vote of 535 out of 1,084. That means more people voted against or abstained from the vote then voted for it. 549 votes. Maybe the Vatican has electoral colleges similar to the United States.

Now, I'm not wishing the guy ill but I've just got to say: Good luck Paul! Hope you don't catch a cold.

You can read the story here.

posted by Michael 3:50 PM . . .

. . .

Shhhh... It's a Secret.
Who knew that there were secret appeal courts usable only by the Federal government. Apparently AOL does as this article caught my attention. You may recall back in May when another secretive court that few people had ever heard of before ruled that the government had gone too far with its wire tap laws under the Patriot Act (now there's some doublespeak for you --using the word 'patriot' to describe a piece of legislation designed to punish and curtail the rights of Americans) had breached the constitutionally protected rights of the citizenry by removing the need to have oh...say.. any proof of wrong doing... before beginning to spy on people.

Well you can all rest easily now. That decision has been overturned by another secretive court that no one has heard of which means that weird double click you might hear on your phone from time to time actually is the government listening. Be sure to say hello to the poor agent stuck listening to you drone on about how much you hate the new person in the office. Maybe tell a joke at random just to brighten up their day.

Apparently the only person allowed to attend and present arguements at the hearing was the Justice Department's top appellate lawyer, Theodore Olson which some of you may feel is decidedly lopsided and unfair but they were kind enough to let other people send in a letter or two...

So the government has created judicial bodies that hear the governmental appeals for decisions that go against the government. Sounds about right.

posted by Michael 2:06 PM . . .

. . .

Now this is funny!
Go to this site and watch the movie I hurt myself laughing the first time I saw it. It's a little long (17minutes) so it may take a while to load if you have a slower connection... but trust me it is worth it.

posted by Michael 6:00 PM . . .

. . .

Those Whacky PETA People

A daring PETA attack brought their message against animal cruelty back to their core audience... drooling 18-35 year olds. The least they could have done is rip off her top. Hey! People are animals too you know! How about a little ethical treatment?

posted by Michael 3:39 PM . . .

. . .

Hang onto your Webbing
Stan Lee, co-creator of Marvel's Spiderman (and many of the other characters that are mainstays of Marvel Comics), has filed a law suit against Marvel Enterprises in the amount of 10 million dollars for breaching a 1998 contract which Lee maintains should have given him access to some of the merchandizing winfall from the Spiderman and X-men movies. Lee's suit says that Marvel executives "have personally realized enormous windfalls from the X-Men and Spider-Man films and their ancillary merchandise (but have) refused to share any of this good fortune."

Stan Lee is still collecting a million dollar a year paycheck from Marvel as their "Chairman Emeritus". Marvel Executives have countered the suit saying it "believes it is in full compliance with, and current on all payments due under, the terms of Mr. Lee's employment agreement."

Personally, I think the work-for-hire agreements that comic writers and artists are forced to sign constitute little more than intellectual rape. Sure they exist outside of the comic industry. The recording industry is famous for growing rich off of royalties and re-recordings while the original artists die in poverty. Now Stan Lee isn't in any danger of dying in poverty. A million a year for life is a pretty sweet deal but it doesn't change the fact that without him and Steve Ditko Spiderman wouldn't exist in the first place. And they deserve some recognition of that fact.

You can travel over to Amersand's blog to read about another ongoing lawsuit involving Marvel and one of the creators of Captain America.

posted by Michael 9:24 AM . . .

. . .

Rememberance Day
I am grateful for the sacrifices of our veterans. They have sacrificed their time. Away from friends and family that can never be reclaimed. They have sacrificed their youth in pursuit of the future securing the freedoms that we so often take for granted. They have sacrificed their lives for the lives of children yet to be born. We can never repay the debt that we owe our veterans.

But that does not free us from the responsibility of trying.

I think a good place to start would be doing everything possible to make certain that their sacrifices were not in vain. To make use of the freedoms that have been left in our trust to ensure that others do not have to likewise sacrifice their lives. To not gladly give up those freedoms that have been paid for with blood. We owe it to them to work for peace. They have sacrificed their lives for it.

When we rush to war we make a mockery of that sacrifice. We say “let us throw more bodies on the fire”. That’ll put it out.

What we need is water.

I am not a pacifist. I believe in self defense. I believe in protecting those I love and care for. I do not believe that means walking down the street and punching people in the face that may intend me harm at some future unspecified date in the hopes that by striking them first I can remove the threat. Such pre-emptive actions only make the perceived threat a reality.

I believe that an emphasis on homeland security is the key to ensuring our safety. Not the atrocity that currently exists which targets our freedoms or the monstrosity that the Bush regime is proposing which takes whatever the Homeland security bill missed and jumps all over them with cleats while removing even the most basic rights of workers. By homeland security I mean tightening our border security. Taking a real hard look at who is trying to get into the country and why. Making airline security effective rather then a joke. No more excuses for why the security measures are being delayed time and time again. Do away with the sham of federalizing airport security personnel. Changing their boss doesn’t effect any meaningful change unless you also change how they are trained. Having the same incompetent people doing the same job doesn’t change anything. Hire new people and train them well.

I mean gun control. Making it a little more difficult for terrorists to buy weapons would affect a real change in security. Real background checks and enough time to carry them out. No loopholes. No exceptions. If you are willing to give up so many other freedoms in the name of security how about one that will actually mean something. And heck... you could still get your ak-47 assault weapon with teflon coated rounds you’d just have to wait a month till we can make sure you’re not criminally insane or a terrorist.

There are a hundred different measures we could take that would be meaningful changes and add to our security before we start a pre-emptive war.

Let’s remember who started this "War on Terror" and finish kicking the crap out of Al Qaeda first.
Just my thoughts...

posted by Michael 12:26 PM . . .

. . .

Catholic Bishops Meet Again
Catholic Bishops are meeting again this week for their bi-annual conference. Once again the main topic of debate will be the issue of abusive priests and bishops who take advantage of their station and authority to sexually molest their parishoners. If the American Catholics were serious about sending a message to show their commitment toward affecting real change they would send a message back to the Holy See which rejected their first proposal by resending the exact same motion word for word to the Vatican.

That won't happen of course. Because they aren't interested in affecting real change. They just want the issue to go away. So instead, we will probably see something emerge that steps away from a zero tolerance policy and subverts the issue behind a great deal of double speak involving protecting the sanctity of the sacrament of confession and the healing balm of absolution. Go in peace my son your sins have been forgiven.

All well and good for the priest or bishop who has re-secured their place in Heaven through a couple dozen Hail Maries and appointment to a desk job in some abbey... but it kind of sucks to be the victim here. The priests are not the victims. They are the rapists. They are not the ones who need protecting. They need to be treated like the abusers that they are. When Jesus said "suffer the little children to come unto me" he did not have the pedophile priest in mind.

I don't understand how people of faith can hide such sick horror behind dogmatic crutches. It seems clear to me that if there are Catholic 'laws' which prohibit the prosecution of pedophiles then those laws are in error not the resolution that seeks to protect the children. Anything less then a zero tolerance policy reveals the Holy See to be a morally bankrupt organization more interested in self perpetuation then meaningful engagement of the divine mysteries.

Just my opinion...

You can read the article here.

posted by Michael 9:30 PM . . .

. . .

Party with the Apocalypse
In January, 2003: we'll start drilling for oil in the Alaskan wilderness reserves. We'll log the hell out of our national forests in order to 'protect' them from forest fires. (sort of like eating a horse to protect it from the glue factory) Every American will be mandated to own a gun, know the 10 commandments by heart (but don't worry if you forget 'cause they'll be posted everywhere... Don't Walk signs will be replaced with Thou Shalt Not Kill) and provide proof of their patriotism and loyalty by sticking an American flag decal on their car. Maybe one won't be enough though... you'd better have two or three on there just to be safe.

In Canada the government owns businesses (Crown Corporations). In the United States the exact opposite is true. Look for the loosening of environmental restrictions. One person per SUV will become the law. Forget about faith-based initiatives and welcome to out and out state sponsored religion as conservative evangelical Christian minority now has their platform from which to lob their intolerance and hate.

You were sold a bill of goods around a need to "protect ourselves from terror". Well... you'll get your war (probably right around election time again says the cynical bastard part of me) and a whole lot of other stuff too. Who needs an economy after all? And I advise everyone not to get sick ever again.

But on the bright side maybe we'll get another one of those 200.00 dollar tax rebate checks! We could use a new television set in our house.

posted by Michael 8:39 AM . . .

. . .

Get Out There and Vote!
Okay... I'm still pretty steamed about not being able to vote in this country. The government is certainly quick enough to accept my tax dollars afterall. But frankly I'm disgusted by the small percentage of people who participate in the democratic process. I know... I know... the United States isn't really a democracy and if voting could change the system it would be made illegal but come on! If you're too lazy to drag your sorry asses to the voting station you deserve to be spot welded to a turtle and given a full body wax. What happened to all of that new found patriotism? How patriotic can you be when you can't be bothered to participate in the very core of those much vaunted freedoms that we seem so ready to go to war to 'protect'. Turn in that American flag decal that you have pasted to the back of your car.

And if you happen to be a democrat... vote twice! Hey... if there are still dead people registered to vote surely the living deserve an extra one or two.

Just my thoughts...

posted by Michael 10:54 PM . . .

. . .