Views from the Outside
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A place to ramble, cavort and endlessly ridicule.

Friday, June 28, 2002
In Other News...
Rachel began climbing the stairs this morning. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. At first it looked liked she was just pulling the stuff waiting to be carried upstairs off the bottom step... well she was doing that too but then she kept reaching and reaching and her little legs were squirming and the next thing you knew she was up a step. She went up two more before Daddy had decided that was enough and huggled her close letting my anxiety level return to its normal levels. Time to go and buy a safety gate.


posted by Michael 11:11 AM . . .
. . .


I may have said this before but I get the biggest charge out of watching how interacting with Rachel brings so much joy into other people’s lives. Complete strangers. She laughs and giggles and waves and they laugh and wave back and smile. She is such an attention flirt. And I am amazed at how a small baby (well not so small…23pounds) can break down a person’s calcified exterior and intrude into their (and sometimes our) comfort zones without another thought.

We were at a restaurant last night feeding Rachel little bits of a grilled cheese sandwich. She absolutely loved it but in typical baby fashion wasn’t particularly the cleanest eater. (We now have a routine of cleaning up before we leave a restaurant consisting of crawling around and picking up the various chewed and semi chewed detritus that congregates around her highchair) A passing woman stopped to smile at her, noticed that she had a piece of sandwich stuck to the end of her nose and plucked it off before continuing on her way. CJ and I looked at each other. Did that woman just… Yes, she sure did…

Now I’m not complaining… not really. If someone wants to clean our baby’s face for us go right ahead. Maybe you’d like to take her to the bathroom and change her diaper while you’re at it? It just seemed a completely odd thing for a stranger to do. What did she do with the chunk?



posted by Michael 11:00 AM . . .
. . .
On the Separation of Church and State

While it is indeed true that this country was founded by Christian men, it was also founded by those fleeing from religious persecution and looking to establish a place where they might worship as their conscience prescribed and not as the State demanded. As such it was very purposeful in the Constitution but even more so in the writings and correspondences of the “founding fathers” that they had a deep and abiding respect for the rights of the people to worship according to the dictates of their hearts without the coercions of the State.

The United States is not a Christian state. Christianity is not the official religion of the country in the same way that English is the official language, Capitalism is the form of the economic market and Republicanism is the form of government (referring to the Democratic Republic and not the political party though sometimes I wonder…)

My wife wrote “Christians are always having the separation of Church and State argument thrown up in their faces and I'm sorry you feel that way. I feel I am forever having the "you're not a REAL religion" argument thrown up in my face. I'm thankful someone is out there protecting my right to worship the way I see fit.”

The reason that the Christian Right feels that it is most often having the “separation of church and state” thrown in its face is because it is the only religion constantly and continually challenging it. You do not see Buddhists demanding that sessions of Congress begin with a meditation or Shintoists burning purifying incense before the Senate sits in order to cleanse the negative energies and show respect to our ancestors. Pagans do not have “In Goddess we Trust” emblazoned in stone and Muslims do not demand that the Pillars of Islam be posted in public schools.

Only Christianity in this country believes that it has the right to demand that all others conform to their accepted standards. Elsewhere of course there are other theocratic states but those are in the Middle East and are almost exclusively Muslim nations such as Iran, Saudi Arabia and Pakistan. Where belonging to Islam is part of being a citizen of that country.

Being Christian has never been a requirement for being American and it is only recently that the ideas of Patriotism and Christian values have been fervently linked. Standing up for ones rights to the freedoms guaranteed by the Constitution should never be considered unpatriotic.

“Get over it.” “Just don’t say it.” “You can take it to mean any God” “You use money and it has ‘In God we Trust’ written on it.” These are all specious arguments.

First, the money argument. Money is a necessity. It wouldn’t matter if it had “We all worship pink baboons” written on it, I would still need to use it in order to live in a capitalist society. The use of money is not an endorsement of “In God We Trust” any more than the use of money is an endorsement of the person who writes that annoying chain letter prayer on one dollar bills. Or passing a dollar bill with a phone number scrawled on it is not me endorsing the idea that the person I’m giving the dollar to should give them a call. It is an economic transaction and nothing more.

Secondly, while I may indeed be able to take it to mean ‘any god’ that is certainly not the intent. I doubt that anyone would argue that “In God We Trust” or “under God” actually refers to Zeus. That would be silly. The intent of God in these cases and others is to use God in the Christian context. Why should it be my onus to re-ascribe meaning to something that should not be there in the first place? And what about all of the Americans that subscribe to no belief in God… how should they take God to mean?

“Just don’t say it” seems like a logical solution to the problem of unwanted intrusions of other peoples religions into your life. And I would be inclined to agree with this position if more than one religion was constantly intruding. But Christians do not have to “put up with” the intrusions of other religions. We have made dissent criminal. We have narrowed the choices to approval or protest. There is no happy middle ground. People seem to conveniently forget that ‘freedom of religion’ also includes ‘freedom from religion’. And not saying ‘under God’ or reciting the Pledge or taking part in prayer has taken on the connotation of being ‘unpatriotic’.

And in this rabid culture of fear and hyperpatriotism appearing unpatriotic is the one unpardonable sin. There is no real choice. What this argument is recommending is “make a target of yourself”. I shouldn’t have to explain my reasons for doing anything of conscience. I’m not participating in a protest or making a statement. I merely want to be able to practice the dictates of my religion without having to sidestep the dictates of someone elses. And when the State sponsors those intrusions it becomes harder and harder to sidestep.

So maybe I should ‘Just get over it’. But here’s the problem with that argument. I love to turn it around. Why doesn’t the Christian Right just get over it? How does this impact in any way on their held-beliefs? It seems to me that the Court made a decision and it is the Christians that are having problems moving on. “It’s against public opinion.” Well… it is not the mandate of the court to enforce public opinion. It is the mandate of the court to uphold the Constitution and assure that all people are afforded the rights and protections guaranteed within. If it were supposed to uphold public opinion African Americans and women wouldn’t be allowed to vote. In fact African-Americans would still be slaves. Our schools would still be segregated and children would be working long hours in factories.

I’ll tell you what… I will ‘just get over it’ on the day that the Congress declares that there is no longer a separation of Church and State and that the United States has officially become a theocracy. Then we can dive headlong into the task of ridding the country of all of the undesirables or forcing them to convert like they do in Saudi Arabia. If everyone was Christian then there would be nothing that needed to be ‘gotten over’.

Of course some people won’t want to convert. They will foolishly cling to their outdated and mistaken beliefs. But we’ll come up with something I’m certain. We always do.



posted by Michael 10:57 AM . . .
. . .
Thursday, June 27, 2002
Vouching for the Seperation of Church and State
The Supreme Court decided that your tax dollars will be going to support religion. Hoooray! You say. The public schools suck big donkeys and something has to be done. Fair enough. So why not put that money into the public schools and improve them instead of outsourcing it to institutions with a particular agenda? Is this the governments way of admitting that they are incompetent and unable to handle education reform? Wasn't one of the President's big platform issues 'improving education'? Making teachers responsible. And how does this fit into those stated goals?

Simply, it doesn't. What it does is pass along the responsibility and allow the government to wash its hands without improving a darned thing. And you know that would probably be justifiable in some fashion if the education from private institutions was in any way superior to the education from public institutions. But test after test after test has shown that it is not the case. Private schools are not better than public schools at providing an education. But private schools are perceived by the general populace to provide a better education. And in the arena of politics and public opinion perceptions are really all that matter.

The same nine people (well five of nine to be fair) that voted for the vouchers will undoubtedly be the ones who overturn the pledge of allegiance decision proving that the Supreme Court can adequately straddle both sides of the fence and fix all by repeating the same mantra "It doesn't support a state sponsored religion."

Sure you support it now... but wait until the radical Islamic schools start applying for your tax dollars... and we have to give it to them. Read the
story here.


posted by Michael 4:29 PM . . .
. . .
It's Official! USA Declares itself a Theocracy!

In the wake of the
Pledge of Allegiance being declared unconstitutional due to containing the phrase 'under God', the US Sentate this morning led by the Senate Chaplain declared the country a theocracy. "We do declare you our ultimate sovereign. We are one senate united under you." Senator Daschle sought clarification that the 'you' was referring to 'God' and not to 'George Bush'.

"It's a lot easier to go along with an invisible leader that no one ever sees," admitted the Senator. "In this way God is a lot like Dick Cheney"

Daschle declared that the Chaplain spoke for everyone thus sealing the Senate as a unanimous theocracy.

The offending phrase "under God" was not originally part of the 'pledge of allegiance' . It was added to the pledge in 1954 by Congress. Before 1954 the Pledge was not considered an "acknowledgement of God as supreme ruler of this country" but was instead simply a pledge of idolatrous flag worship. "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." The addition of montheism was done to counter the threat of atheistic communism during the 'big red scare'. And screw the lot of you that believe in more than one God. Anti-American heathens!

Of course the problem with declaring the Pledge unconstitutional is of course the fact that the Constitution itself contains the word God thus, by this step in logic, voiding itself. Let anarchy reign!!

In a show of unbiased respect for the court system the President of the United States said, "The Judge is nuts and this ruling is ridiculous." Aside from the fact that 'under God' is a clear religious statement endorsing a specific religion (despite specious arguements that it does not specify which God, it is clearly implied) the Court ruled that the pledge of allegiance put children in the predicament of either 'approval' or 'protest' which was not fair to children.

And now everyone is joining on the patriotic bandwagon. Let's see what denouncement and insult we can come up with next... but you know what? The Court was right. And there's nothing unpatriotic about that. This is such a non-issue and an excuse to wave the flag and condemn everyone that doesn't agree with the 'us'. At a time when 'patriotism' equals votes, sure... the ruling will be overturned. If not in the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals then certainly by the Supreme Court. And it is a shame. A shame because dissent now equals being unpatriotic. A shame because the ideals of some are being lauded as the ideals that all should have.

And it's one more step toward admitting that we are the theocracy that we continue to claim that we are not. Why not admit it and get it over with? Then we can get to the business of converting or deporting all the atheists, heathens and pagan polytheists among us.

You can read my earlier essay on the United States as a theocracy right here.

Update: Jason Kenney concluded his thoughts on the subject with the following paragraph: The arguement that this decision is against what mainstream America believes is weak as well. Mainstream America was against freeing the slaves, integrating our schools, many things, but it was pushed because it was felt necessary for the sake of America and because we have a duty to uphold the Constitution of the United States of America. And I agree.




posted by Michael 10:55 AM . . .
. . .
Wednesday, June 26, 2002
Make Sure you Call Collect!
(You should see how far it is to the nearest gas)


posted by Michael 1:04 AM . . .
. . .
Tuesday, June 25, 2002


posted by Michael 1:48 PM . . .
. . .


posted by Michael 11:48 AM . . .
. . .
Monday, June 24, 2002
Putin Warns Against Ousting Arafat
The Russian president warned that ousting Arafat from power would "radicalize the Palestinian movement". You mean more radical than strapping bombs to your chest and wandering into crowds? Wow... what's left? How much more radical can you possibly get?

It kind of galls me but... I liked Bush's speech this afternoon. I solace myself by believing that he didn't write it himself and probably couldn't spell the majority of the words in it. But it outlined a policy that was fair and sound. It recognized that the current Palestinian leadership has no interest in peaceful co-existence with Israel and while it didn't mention Arafat by name I'm sure his ears were burning. So now we see whether Arafat is interested in peace or in power. Will he step aside for the sake of the creation of a Palestinian state? The goal of terrorism is not the creation of a Palestinian state but the destruction of Israel.

And it also laid out that Israel would need to halt settlements and pull back to the pre-September 28th 2000 positions and unfreeze all of the Palestinian assets currently being held by the government. It did not lay out any thoughts or plans for the settlements already present in the Occupied Territories but you know... that's what negotiations are for. Israel and the Palestinians need to negotiate in a spirit of reconciliation and respect. Not terror and oppression. Terror from Palestine. Oppression from Israel.

You can read a
transcript of Bush's speech here.

posted by Michael 5:47 PM . . .
. . .
US House of Representatives Rings Alexander's Bell
Congress recently passed a resolution awarding the creation of the telephone to Italian inventor Antonio Meucci, a native of Florence, Italy who moved to the U.S. in the 1830s. According to the resolution history books should be changed to reflect that the telephone was in fact an American invention. Supporters of Meucci's claim assert that Bell was either a thief, a fraud or "extraordinarily lucky" and paint a picture of a conspiracy of fraud surrounding Bell and Western Union to defraud Meucci of his rightful place in history.

According to the Bell supporters there is no evidence that Alexander Bell even knew about Meucci. All of the inventors correspondances make mention of knowledge that he was in a race to perfect the invention but talk about a third inventor Elisha Gray. Gray filed a caveat with the patent office with his plans for a telephone on February 14th, 1876. Unknown to him however Bell had filed for the patent a mere two hours earlier.

You can read the news story on the
resolution here.
You can read Elisha Gray's story here
And Alexander Graham Bell's here.

Or you can ignore these links entirely because all three are dead and just thank God for cell phones.



posted by Michael 12:04 AM . . .
. . .
Sunday, June 23, 2002
Cannibals Rejoice: Good News!!
There was good news for cannibals announced today. A quick scan of the AOL News headlines offers the following story:
Eating Nuts Lessens Heart Risk, Study Says. The only problem of course is actually gaining admittance to the sanitarium but once in you only have to eat twice a week to gain the benefit to your heart. If you luck onto a person with multiple personality disorder you'll probably be set for a month or more! So choose (and chew) your insane person carefully.

This is a vast improvement over the last diet offered by the same institute. Although a steady diet of vegetables offered the same health benefits as the nut diet, it was noted by doctors that a high number of the participants in the study kept choking to death on the wheelchairs.

Update: My wife points out that the story was in all probability referring to foods such as peanuts or cashews. Hehehe... I knew that... of course... I was just fooling around...errr... honest.

Update especially for Jeremy: Neither of the above diets are considered 'fast food'.

posted by Michael 11:25 PM . . .
. . .
Rachel's New Word of the Day
num-num Okay it's not much of a word I'll admit but still... it's new.


posted by Michael 11:07 AM . . .
. . .
Saturday, June 22, 2002
The Sound of Two Little Hands Clapping...
It's like theres a little switch in Rachel and occasionally something will toggle it and she'll have learnt something new. About three days ago she began clapping her hands. She couldn't do it before but there she was clapping away and laughing and looking amazingly proud of herself. She keeps trying to stand up by herself and collapsing spectacularly. She waves to people and gets the biggest kick when they wave back. This picture is a rare picture of her actually wearing a hat. She hates hats. Won't keep them on her head. If you persist she will shriek like you are attaching a live eel to the back of her skull. Short of stapling it there, there is little that we can do.

This picture was taken two seconds after the first and shows her throwing off the offending garment and fleeing as fast as her little legs will carry her which is always a little faster than we actually expected.


posted by Michael 8:23 PM . . .
. . .
Hey! Hey! Hey! It's Football! Emphasis on foot!!


posted by Michael 10:26 AM . . .
. . .
Another Day, Another Terror Warning
Woke up. Got terror warning looked outside and watched a kid on a pogo stick hopping madly down the street. Considered phoning him in. Scared the crap out of me. Thought for sure he was going to get run over... Hopping without a care in the world. Doesn't he know that we're on alert? Isn't that a little unusual? A kid out hopping on a pogo stick at eight o'clock in the morning?

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we all had our own personal 'terror warning' system. Stencilled on our forehead a liquid LCD readout that could let people know that you are 'fed up' or 'calm'.

They could be personalized for additional effectiveness. "Don't ask me about my car." or "About to explode."

Maybe then I'd feel safer. Maybe then I'd think that having an alert system might have some sort of effect.

"Good morning. Can I help you?"
"Yes, I'll have a double decaf please."
"That'll be 2.50. There are terrorists among us."

"Off to work. love"
"Have a great day dear. Be careful of tanker trucks."

Careful of tanker trucks? Isn't that a good piece of advice regardless? Maybe the government could give us other warnings that would be equally helpful.

"This just in from the FBI. "Watch out for oncoming traffic."
"This just in from the State Department "Don't forget your sunblock."

"We don't have any specific information about any specific terrorist plans..." You're telling me that Congress has voted you all that extra money and you still can't come up with something specific? What hope do we have of stopping terrorists if the best we can do is "Be careful out there."

And on a side note... I'm completely disgusted by the 'war opportunism' going on in the House. Passing legislation for increasing defense... great. But what exactly does mapping the Hawaii coral reefs have to do with increasing our defense and why was it attached to the latest Bill passed by Congress? Latest FBI Warning: Beware scuba divers off coast of Honolulu. Give me a break.


posted by Michael 10:08 AM . . .
. . .
My Dream Final Fades Away...
When South Korea got the win against Spain we were almost there. One more win against Germany and Senegal had to beat Turkey and then trounce Brazil and we'd have the South Korea vs Senegal final. (Okay you can stop laughing now.)

But Senegal just couldn't pull it off. They looked shakey the whole game and gave up multiple chances on goal to a willing Turkish squad. It was only a matter of time till one of them went in... and one did in the first few minutes of overtime.

So now I'm hoping for a South Korea versus Turkey... Hey! I don't go dancing about on your dreams do I?



posted by Michael 9:40 AM . . .
. . .
Friday, June 21, 2002
Lost Patience but not Sympathies...
I have become convinced that the Palestinian people do not want peace. It's not enough to condemn the actions of the terrorists living among them. Not anymore. By remaining silent they make it all too easy to believe that they tacitly agree with the actions of the suicide bombers. By not taking any action to police their own they show that they have no interest in doing so. They condone the killing of children. They agree with the murder of civilians. And I am forced to concede that there can be no peace while the Palestinians accept no responsibility for their own actions.

There are no innocents in the political process of the Middle East. The only innocents are the victims. While Sharon and Arafat rattle sabers and pound their podiums more people die.

Do I think that Israel should re-occupy the territories? No. But what are their alternatives? What have they been left with? Palestine talks peace out of one side of its mouth while pulling the pin out of a grenade with the other. And they are not particularly choosy about where it is thrown. Palestine has created the climate that has allowed the policies of Sharon to take root.

How can the Palestinians deserve a state when they have shown that they are completely incapable of governing themselves?

And now it really is an issue of self defense for Israel. This does not give Israel the right to open fire on civilians with tanks or machine guns but I can understand their need to go in and hunt down those that prey upon their children. What's the quote warning about people who hunt monsters?

The Palestinians still have my sympathies but no longer my patience. How can I support the Palestinians when they are clearly uninterested in peace? And until they become interested in the peace process -invested in more than just making speeches and saying the correct things- I hold out little hope for any resolution. It no longer matters to me that they have been wronged. If they have been occupied wrongly, dispossessed and kept from any form of economic viability they must still show that they are anything but rabid animals lashing out at everyone and everything. They must show that they have an understanding of the value of human life as something more than a bargaining chip. Words must be accompanied by action.


posted by Michael 6:25 PM . . .
. . .
Bush left in WhiteHouse
While reporters and essential staff were evacuated from the White House after a Cessna violated the no-fly zone order over head late Wednesday, President Bush was not even told that an evacuation was underway. A sheepish Ari Fleischer later admitted that the President only found out that an evacuation took place the following morning. Mr. Fleischer, struggling to explain why one safety standard applied to personnel and another to the President, said Secret Service officers stationed in the West Wing exercised their own discretion when they hustled people out. Presumably this is an admission from the administration that Bush does not actually constitute 'essential staff', a fact that many have suspected for quite some time.

"I think it's obvious the president is always kept the most secure person in the White House," Fleischer said. "... And again, there was never a threat to the President." Just the building he was in... which is a completely different thing. He then pointed to the back of the room, shouted "Osama Bin Laden!" and was gone when everyone turned back around.

Read the
story here.




posted by Michael 1:47 PM . . .
. . .
Thursday, June 20, 2002
Did you feel the breeze?
The Earth received it's closest call in decades last week when an asteroid the size of a soccer field passed within 120,000 kilometres of us. The Galactic equivilent of an inside pitch. If it had struck one scientist compared the resulting energy release with the blast of a large scale nuclear weapon. A similar sized asteroid struck Siberia in 1908 and levelled over 2000 square km's of forest.

Unimaginatively named '2002 MN' by those that discovered it on June 14th, it was travelling at 37,000 km/hour and passed closer to the Earth than the Moon. Apparently scientists did not discover the asteroid until it had already passed us which completely destroys the premise of films like Armegeddon and Deep Impact. This does not make me feel good. Oh sure... we'd do without the mass chaos, looting and breakdown of society but I'd still like to know beforehand that we're about to get smuckered by floating space stuff.

Maybe if we turned some of those amazing spy satellites around and stopped worrying about what Hussein was eating for breakfast we could get a little advanced knowledge of something that could really put a dent in our day... like a giant asteroid.

Read the story here.


posted by Michael 11:57 PM . . .
. . .
Timothy Findley Dead at 71
I can hear the collective raising of eyebrows now. A wonderfully thoughtful author. Findley once described himself as a "dedicated anti-fascist writer and thinker." Defiance of authoritarian ideologies, the evil of corporate excesses and abuses of power were recurrent themes in his work. Is it any wonder I loved his work... and not even a mention of his death anywhere in the American press. If I hadn't been wandering around looking at
Canadian newspapers I never would have known. Go read Not Wanted on the Voyage. You'll be doing yourself a favour.

posted by Michael 11:33 PM . . .
. . .
Wednesday, June 19, 2002
For all of you odd people coming here looking for diaper photos. Go here instead. All of the men and women in diapers that you could possibly ask for. The catch? It's in French!! Bwaaahaaahaaaahaaaaaaa! Oh cruel cruel world. Ahhh... Who am I to make fun of another person's fetish? Oh yeah... an opinionated jerk that's right... you're weird.


posted by Michael 11:58 AM . . .
. . .
Notice in the picture below... Rachel's left hand is on a long strip of rubber. Originally, like good parents, we tried to baby proof the house and set up rubber bumpers on the corners of things. Rachel would have none of that. The rubber bumpers became objects of endless fascination. Nothing short of permenantly bonding them to the entertainment centre would keep her from tearing them up and banging them on the floor like Captain Caveman wielding his club. And so we relented. Off they came. Trying to keep them there was just drawing her to the very place that we were trying to protect her from. For awhile she chewed contentedly on them or whacked them into things to see what sort of noise it would make. And now they have mostly been forgotten. No longer amongst the favourite things that she plays with.

One of her favourite toys is a yellow plastic turtle that plays music when you press on its back. She has discovered that if you turn it over and bang on it, it will jump songs rapidly and randomly. It has no volume control. It has no off button. It is evil.

Also in her playpen (known affectionately as kiddie jail) you can see a white angel bear named Clarence, Inchy the inch worm and her sippie cup. She has gotten quite proficient at drinking from her cup although sometimes we catch her holding it upside down and sucking vainly on the bottom of the mug.


posted by Michael 11:31 AM . . .
. . .
Father's day Redux
It has taken me awhile to try and sort out my feelings around Father's Day. I don't know what I was expecting but it certainly wasn't what I got. It was a lot more traumatic than I thought it would be. Mix together a birthday party, mono for a general malaise and a little mid-life crisis to add some spice and that's how I felt. I wandered through the day feeling disconnected and old. My wife wanted to make the day special for me but she had an uphill battle all the way. I didn't really want the day to feel special... I wanted it over. It just felt wrong. And I still have no idea why. I remember how much joy I got out of sharing Mother's Day with CJ and there I was feeling like a complete selfish cad not letting her return the favour. We went out for lunch. I got some nice presents... and eavesdropped on conversations going on around us at the restaurant.

I really am looking forward to the time when Rachel can talk but before she becomes cynical. That magical period when I'll be getting pictures and homemade ashtrays. Outrageous ties and golf balls because that's what fathers are supposed to want even though I've never worn a tie or swung a golf club outside of a mini-golf course.

Behind us a little boy is singing Happy Father's Day to the tune of Happy Birthday. He doesn't know the difference. He uses the two completely interchangeably finally settling on 'Happy gift day'. And I know that I have been given a precious gift. Rachel is simply amazing. Even when she's screaming and fighting sleep she can still take my breath away.

I think my problem is that I don't feel worthy of it. No matter how many times CJ tels me that she thinks I'm a great daddy or my mother tells me that she's proud until I feel it inside Father's Day is going to be rough. I don't know how you get that inside verification. I thought I'd have it by now but even after all this time (all this time being almost 10 months) I still worry that I'm doing something wrong or will do something wrong. And the logical part of me says that I'm absolutely correct and to get over it. There's no such thing as the perfect father. I have a low sense of value for my love.

I'm working on it. I'm really trying. Maybe next year Father's Day will be a more joyous celebration and I'll be able to let go of my silly anxieties and enjoy the moment.


posted by Michael 10:37 AM . . .
. . .
Jackson Blames Sony for Album Flop. Should Instead Blame Lack of Talent
Apparently the album isn't as Invincible as its name might suggest and Jackson is making sure everyone knows that it is not his fault when of course it is. The self crowned 'king of pop's' music has been steadily losing popularity for years. Heartened by recent sentiments coming out of the American Council of Bishops sources inform that he may be looking at giving up the life of a musician and becoming a Catholic priest. You can read about the Jackson/Sony feud
here.
Jackson seen here proudly showing off his most recent Ebay purchase.



posted by Michael 10:16 AM . . .
. . .


posted by Michael 9:59 AM . . .
. . .
Tuesday, June 18, 2002
South Korea: First Italy... Next Spain!
I'm convinced if South Korea can keep the game close up to the end of the 90 minutes, they can win the game. The crowd behind them is simply amazing and the team never seems to tire. Italy was looking dead on the field while Korea was lapping them and challenging every ball. And that's why they won.

What is it about the so called 'world class' teams. Argentina, Italy and Mexico play some of the dirtiest football I have ever seen. Taking dives, elbowing and throwing their feet at opponents with reckless disregard and purpose. Korea really deserved to win.

So four of the eight teams have never made it to this round before. I'm hoping Senegal takes it home... *grin* but I'm not holding my breath.



posted by Michael 2:16 PM . . .
. . .


posted by Michael 8:01 AM . . .
. . .
Nickelodeon Doesn't Cave to Pressure. Good for Them!
Despite the phonecalls and emails of the narrow minded Nickelodeon has decided to go ahead with a planned half hour special focusing on same sex sex parenting from a child's point of view.

The Washington-based Traditional Values Coalition has spearheaded the campaign against ``Nick News Special Edition: My Family is Different,'' sight unseen. There were so many e-mails Nickelodeon had to set up a separate address to avoid a computer crash.

``It is a cover for promoting homosexuality for kids,'' said Andrea Lafferty, the coalition's executive director.


And what's wrong with promoting homosexuality to kids? There are enough negative messages being endorsed by both clergy and secular authorities and the only people who seem concerned about the harm of such hate are members of the gay community. I think the gay community deserves a little good press. God forbid that a gay kid comes away feeling good about him/herself.

And for the children growing up in loving nurturing same sex households it's not a matter of promotion but a matter of the reality of their daily lives. And hearing that they're not alone and learning about how to cope with blind hatred is probably something that they desperately need.

Read about the television show (airing 9pm EST tonight)
here.



posted by Michael 7:49 AM . . .
. . .
Monday, June 17, 2002
I'm a Wuss...
I can't push the
big red button. But I'm betting one of you out there will. Let me know what happens. *chuckles*


posted by Michael 11:53 AM . . .
. . .
Saturday, June 15, 2002
What has Brought People to the Outside
I'd like to think that people were coming to the site because someone told them that they got a chuckle out of something they read here... or they like hearing about parenthood from a new father's perspective or because they heard that my politics are a little to the left and were curious... I'd like to think that BUT here is a (partial) list of what has brought people to the site:

Searches for: women in poopy diapers, weird shocking creature porn, crazy drunk nurses, victoria secrets diaper, poopy diaper pictures (hmmm... I sense a theme), sharing nude pictures of my wife, naked nuns, sex with spam and a large number of people looking for the racist police dog story.

The last I can and will take credit for.

I find myself amused and slightly disturbed all at the same time.


posted by Michael 11:02 PM . . .
. . .
Friday, June 14, 2002

Who is this guy again?
"What? This isn't Dick?" A confused George Bush then proceeded to apologize to the Australian Prime Minister for slapping him on the back and regaling him with stories about sucking up to Big Oil. Later the two of them would sit down and talk about the problems facing the Middle East until John Howard politely explained that Australia wasn't actually part of the Middle East. "I knew that," said a flustered Bush. "You're the country that Hitler was from."


posted by Michael 4:42 PM . . .
. . .
Have A Goth Fetish But Not the Commitment?
Well there's help for you... hunt and catch your own goth and save money on costly dark clothing and industrial music. Follow
this link for step by step instructions. The only thing missing is a page for proper care and feeding. Picture liberally stolen from the Gothic Babe of the Week webpage.

posted by Michael 2:44 PM . . .
. . .
South Korea Gives United States a Present. Does this Mean that We're Engaged?
As a way of saying "thanks for the millions and millions of dollars of financial aid" the South Korean football team handed the American squad a berth into the second round of the World Cup today beating a surprised Portugal. Despite being two men down the Portugese side came disturbingly close at times to tying the game which would have eliminated the USA.

The United States only had to tie Poland to assure them their spot in the final sixteen but gave up two goals in the first five minutes and never recovered. They lost the game 3-1.

Korea and Portugal could have sat back and passed the ball around content with a 0-0 tie and the assurance that they were both moving on but South Korea took the game to Portugal and played for the win.

"We'll take it," shouted one American player.


posted by Michael 11:31 AM . . .
. . .
Homophobes in Robes
While a lot of nice speeches have come out of the Bishop's Confeence currently underway in Dallas Texas, I have also noticed a subtle and not so subtle pinning of the problem on gay priests. Many of those attending have made statements concerning the need to root out gay students from seminary. No matter how loudly people shout that pedophilia is not a homosexual disease, has nothing to do with homosexuality and has a lot to do with rape and the abuse of power people continue to make the link.

"It's a man with a boy. That is homosexuality," claimed one member of the conference. Tell me then... is a man with a 12 year old girl heterosexuality?

Confession and repentence are good for the soul? You know what else is good for the soul... stop molesting children! How's that for a good start?. And stop covering up for those that can't. All three American Cardinals have been implicated in cover-up activities surrounding abusive priests. Three bishops have resigned since January as have over 200 priests.

The message of the conference seemed lost on one Bishop who stopped mid-speech to stare dreamily at the water boy. A moment later he cleared his throat and continued on about the taint of homosexuality...

Another disconcerting trend among the Catholic hierarchy is to play semantics with labels. "The majority of documented molestation cases happen between a priest and a young parishoner 13-15 years old. That's too old to be pedophilia." said one Catholic apologist. Changing the label doesn't change the crime. The Catholic Church seems to be operating under the delusion that there is still a seperate Church Law and State Law as there was in the Middle Ages. One law governing secular society and another governing the priesthood. And in the modern Church Law apparently pedophilia (or whatever you want to call it) isn't a crime because only a handful of rapist priests have been handed over to authorities for prosecution.

Often the cases are sat on until the statute of limitations for prosecution has run out.

And now there is word filtering out of the conference that a zero tolerance policy probably wouldn't be supported by the Pope or the Vatican. Why? Because 'forgiveness' is more important than stopping the abuse. Now, I'm not a Catholic but it seems to me that I remember hearing that there are two parts to forgiveness: contrition and penance. Saying 'I'm sorry' isn't enough. You have to show you're sorry by an act of penance.

The Vatican is passing out a lot of forgiveness without a lot of penance being applied. And I don't mean two Holy Mary's and cancelling the subscription to Boy Lover's Monthly. A truly contrite person should be made to face the authorities and face up to their illegal (and immoral) actions.

Some wise person once said "Give to Caesar the things which are Caesar's..." Now who was that again... Oh yeah... Jesus. You know the son of God? Telling his flock to obey the laws of the land and not hide behind faith or religion. But what did he know right?



posted by Michael 10:49 AM . . .
. . .
Thursday, June 13, 2002
Bush Dismisses Human Cause of GreenHouse Gases
Earlier this week the President denied that humans were responsible for the environmentally dangerous levels of 'greenhouse gases' that currently are depleting the ozone layer surrounding the Earth.

"What we've got to do is stop building so many greenhouses." President Bush said. "There's the problem right there not industry. What I propose is some new research into building more airtight greenhouses that will keep more of the gas on the inside where it belongs."

The EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) compiled the report for the United Nations from information provided by its own climate experts and those of five other agencies. It puts most of the blame for recent global warming on the burning of fossil fuels that release carbon dioxide and other heat-trapping gases into the environment.

Bush derided the report saying that it had been put out by "the bureaucracy" which is essentially correct... Unfortunately for Bush, it was his bureaucracy that put it out. The report was the result of work by staff at the agencies and the White House's Council on Environmental Quality, whose chairman was appointed by Bush to serve as his principal environmental policy adviser.

"Clean air is over-rated and would adversely affect the sectors of our economy dealing with heffa filters and purifying technoligy thingamabobs," said Bush.

"No the best way to go is to suggest really stringent guidelines and then make it completely voluntary for industry to comply. This way we can wash our hands of it while still accepting the big checks from Industry."

Ari Fleisher added in a later press conference, "Why wouldn't Industry comply with guidelines that would cost them billions of dollars without any benefit beyond making sure our kids don't explode when they walk outside in the Sun? People keep painting Big Business in the poorest light possible. Like they're only out to make a profit but..."

Fleisher then broke down into a laughing fit and apologized to the press but he just couldn't read the copy and keep a straight face.
Read the story
here and here from CNN.






posted by Michael 10:34 PM . . .
. . .
Wednesday, June 12, 2002


posted by Michael 1:40 PM . . .
. . .
Tyson loses. Now must fall back on other career: Violent Rapist

"Now I know how Robin felt," said a beaten Mike Tyson sporting a puffy face and cuts over both his eyes. "I guess I'll have to go back to doing what I do best... hitting women and parking attendants."

How a
Psychiatric Review Board report sponsored by the Nevada Boxing Commision could find him fit to fight is more a testament I think to the drawing power of money than to the legitimacy of their investigation. A brief skimming of the boxer's past reveals nothing but shameful conduct and violent behavior.

Though his rape of Miss Black Teen contestant Desiree Washington got a lot of press aless widely reported, related civil suit accused Tyson of unwanted fondling of ten of the twenty-three contestants at the pageant. Another civil suit accused Tyson of sexually assaulting, beating and threatening to kill his ex-wife' s publicist in 1988.

Two more women this year have accused Mike Tyson of rape but federal prosecutors have not pressed charges as "there is insufficient evidence to support a case at this time" though LA police had asked them to lay the charges surrounding an alleged incident that took place in September 2001

Numerous assaults over the past 20 years including one conviction of attacking two motorists in 1998. Many more settled out of court.

He is a bad bad man and hopefully this loss will allow him to sink into the obscurity he deserves.







posted by Michael 1:10 PM . . .
. . .
Bush Signs Bio-terror Bill

Immediately after signing the bill, President Bush folded it in half, stuffed it into an envelope and mailed it off to Mastercard mistaking it for his monthly payment.

Included in the bill were provisions for more money toward increased smallpox vaccine, the detection of bioweapons, beefing up emergency medical responses and a 79.95 pay per view charge for the Tyson fight.


posted by Michael 11:34 AM . . .
. . .
Racist Police Dog in Pensylvania
McKEES ROCKS, Pa. — A Pennsylvania councilwoman has accused her borough's lone police dog of racial profiling, leading to calls that the canine be killed... Now the more rational of you might point out that dogs are in fact colour blind but Aha! says Councilwoman, Wanda Jones Dixon, what about smell? According to her the dog can tell an african-american from a caucasian by smell and shows a distinct hatred of african-americans.

"To say the dog is racial ... that's ludicrous. That doesn't make sense," Chief Martineau said. Most people at the council meeting were dubious about the capacity for animals to be racist until a parakeet at the back of the room shouted "Kill the Jews!"

The parakeet had until recently been housed at
SFSU.

Read the dog story here. (Thanks J.)






posted by Michael 11:23 AM . . .
. . .
France Surrenders in World Cup Action
The defending World Cup champs were ousted yesterday by Denmark. At the conclusion of the game the defeated French were seen stripping off their shirts and handing them over to the Dutch players. Denmark assumed that this was all part of the jersey swapping camaraderie standard at the games and were completely stunned when the French players continued handing over their wallets and placing their hands on top of their heads declaring themselves prisoners of war.

"We didn't know what to do," said Thomas Sorensen, the Dutch goalkeep. "They followed us back to the hotel and demanded we recognize the rights afforded to them by the Geneva Convention."

"They're still there," admitted Henriksen. "We can't convince them to leave and we're not sure what to do with them."
While a puzzled Jon Dahl Tomasson kicks away the ball in frustration, a saluting French player waits to be taken into custody behind.
In other World Cup news Argentina was also bounced out of the tournament while Senegal and Paraguay advanced into the second round.



posted by Michael 10:38 AM . . .
. . .
More Bones Found at Site
More human remains were found in the Rock Creek Park crime scene area this time by a travelling mariachi band and a blind monkey. "We're finding so many bones that we've started considering the possibility that this might be some sort of intern graveyard... you know like the elephants." suggested one police officer. "I mean how many bones are there in a human body. Ten? Twelve?"

"Just as elephants are drawn to one particular place as they are dying and nobody knows why... maybe interns come here."

Police Chief Charles Ramsey added, "At the moment we have no reason to suspect the monkey had anything to do with this."


posted by Michael 10:10 AM . . .
. . .
Tuesday, June 11, 2002
Two more arrested in Morocco
This brings the total to five. Five Saudi nationals arrested in Morocco around a plot to attack US and British ships in the Strait of Gibralter. The most recent suspects are two women -the wives of the men arrested earlier- believed to be complicit in the planning and carrying out of coordinating these attack. They apparently acted as couriers in the plot.

Fifteen of the 9/11 hijackers were Saudis. Osama Bin Lauden is a Saudi citizen. One of the 'American Taliban' currently in custody has dual Saudi citizenship. I could go on...

Now go ahead and guess how many of the hijackers were Afghani. How many of the top Al Qaeda operatives are Afghani... How many plots we've uncovered being planned by Afghani citizens.

And our military is in Afghanistan. We're trusting the Saudis as our 'partners in peace' and looking to them to provide guidance and leadership in solving the Mid-East crisis. Is it any wonder Israel is skeptical of any peace plan coming from Saudi Arabia? Maybe when the Saudis stop supporting the families of suicide bombers with financial aid and start supporting the families of the victims... then we can look at them as 'partners in peace'. Until then they are hypocrits and they are liars.

And for Bush to continue to treat them as anything other than the perpetrators of terror that they are is to show his much lauded 'any state that supports terror' speech a sham.

When we're finished blowing up caves in Afghanistan we'll move onto Iraq. But if we are at all serious about rooting out terrorists we should be going to Riyadh.


posted by Michael 12:30 PM . . .
. . .
Saturday, June 08, 2002
ComputerWatch2002:Final Update
The new computer is up and running. I can't say that I particularly like Windows XP. I'm probably just feeling nostalgic but it seems a lot buggier than Windows98. But still it is a thing of beauty. Gone are the big blocky primary colours that I had been wrestling with for the past three days. Now we have a keyboard with a bunch of funky buttons across the top. I have no idea what any of them do... but one of them appears to be a call for room service. Wow.

We had to pick up a new virus checker program because Norton is incompatible with XP. Seems to cause havok with Microsoft Works. Another example of Microsoft playing with power?

I can now play Freedom Force unimpaired. Whooohooo.

Errr... and do work. Of course... do work. *blush*



posted by Michael 12:48 PM . . .
. . .
Friday, June 07, 2002
ComputerWatch2002:Update
Just got the call from
Infinity Computers at 4:28pm. The computer is done and ready for us to pick up. Whooohooo! The website never actually changed from 'pending' to anything else but given a choice between fast service and an updated web page, I'll take the fast service!

posted by Michael 4:31 PM . . .
. . .
ComputerWatch2002: Update
3:14pm EST -- still pending.


posted by Michael 3:14 PM . . .
. . .
Washington Police Find Own Butt with Hands!

Attempting to discount persistent rumours Police Chief Charles Ramsey succeeded in reaching around and grabbing his own ass. Displaying the hand proudly to assembled reporters he offered to let the press sniff his fingers. "I can also chew gum and walk at the same time." he claimed. Unfortunately no one present had a stick of bubblegum and so the statement remained untested.

The rumours began to circulate after an independent investigation team hired by the Levy family found a leg bone, a twisted piece of wire and other forensic evidence at the abandoned Rock Creek Park crime scene. Police "conducted an extensive search of the park" thirteen months ago but failed to turn up Chandra Levy's remains or any evidence of the crime. Those remains were later discovered (last month) by a man out walking his dog.

The new evidence was found 25 yards from the initial site. "So you can understand our error," said one officer. "We didn't realize you had to, you know, look around."

Police are now rethinking the importance of some of the gathered evidence including a handwritten note found at the scene reading "I did it" signed by Gary Condit.





posted by Michael 2:55 PM . . .
. . .
Michael Skakel Found Guilty in Moxley Murder
After 27 years, Kennedy cousin Michael Skakel has been found guilty of the brutal bludgeoning death of Martha Moxley. Sentencing is to be held July 19th. Skakel is facing either 10-25year or 25 years to life sentence depending on the mitigating circumstances. The Judge is waiting to receive a pre-sentencing report before rendering judgement.

A motion to extend Skakel's bond was denied by the judge and the man was taken into immediate custody. Skakel had attempted to have the issue tried under juvenile court statutes as he had been a teenager at the time of the murder.

The ironic side of this is if Michael Skakel had confessed to the crime at the time he would have been sentenced to a maximum of 18-24months in juvenile detention. Martha Moxley's mother called this "Martha's day".


posted by Michael 11:51 AM . . .
. . .
ComputerWatch2002:
Day three. In theory the computer could be done at some point today but I'm not holding my breath. A quick check of the website shows that my order is still 'pending'. I'm not sure what that means exactly. I'm betting it means that the order is still sitting in the 'to do' tray and hasn't been seen by a technician yet.

The day is still young... and they have 61 days to equal the 'pending' debacle of Dell. My friend
Will has a link to a page that makes a fairly convincing case of direct satanic influence on the computer giant.

Will I be pathetically checking the Infinity Computer website over and over and over throughout the day?

Expect your updates here! (Yeah... Like you care.)


posted by Michael 10:43 AM . . .
. . .


posted by Michael 7:30 AM . . .
. . .
**beeeep** too racy?
A dying Doctor Greene screams out a heartfelt frustrated 'shit' on ER. MTV2 shows the unedited most controversial videos of all time complete with all forms of bodily fluids and four letter words. ABC bleeps out 'Jesus' from a recent episode of The View.

One of these things is not like the others...

This is of course the same network that had no problem airing a Victoria Secrets 'fashion' special. Now don't get me wrong... I'm not complaining about the softcore porn on network television. It saves me the trouble of learning another language or watching it with the volume turned down on that Spanish channel. I'm just saying that maybe ABC is a whore for ratings. Taking a moral stance when there are no ratings on the line.

I am all for the lapsing of artificially imposed standards on television. If I tune into a stand-up comedy routine I know what I'm expecting to see and hear. A government agency doesn't have to protect me from the f-word. And I'll protect my daughter... until she goes to grade school and starts hearing it on her own.

I think the FCC has a hard row to hoe convincing me that swearing is against the cultural standard when 'Little Johnny' is busy calling his 2nd grade teacher a mother-fucker. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying that it's reality and until that reality changes (ie through the parents) there's no point bleeping things out on television. I say after 10pm the gloves come off.

Read the
Jesus story here.

posted by Michael 7:24 AM . . .
. . .
Thursday, June 06, 2002

Another baby update!
What CJ calls 'learning to feed herself', I call 'making a big gooey mess'. There's something amazingly special about watching the sheer joy that Rachel experiences eating Cheerios. We sit beside her at the dining room table. We in our chairs. She in her high chair smeered with pureed macaroni, cheese and banana. We mimic chewing motions. Mmmmm. Mmmmmm. But how can it possibly be good? The Gerber macaroni and cheese is one of the most disgusting things I have ever eaten. I don't blame her for smeering it all over the place. Add in banana and ugh.

Just watching her wearing her food makes me want to take a shower.

But she loves her cheerios. She holds them two fisted and gurgles happily. Ma ma ma ma ma. Of course everything is ‘ma ma’ these days. Look the cat! Ma ma ma ma. Sometimes she still says ‘da da’ and on a few occasions (probably by complete accident) she has even managed a ‘da-dee’.

Sometimes her mouth opens and closes silently as she gears up for trying a new sound. Chewing the air. Eyes in a sort of squint and then she’ll click her tongue or let out an ‘uuuu’ sound and laugh immensely pleased with herself.

It’s boggling thinking that this is the building blocks for speech. It’s hard to imagine her talking. But then it was hard to imagine her standing and she can pull herself up on the couch now without any help and she tried to stand on her own just this morning and tumbled somewhat spectacularly.

She didn’t look hurt either. She looked frustrated. Like she was thinking “I know how this works now why can’t I do it”. It seems like only yesterday that she needed help sitting up and now she is trying to creep along the edge of the sofa. And giving her father anxiety as she moves toward the brick fireplace.

She is growing so fast.

We've artfully covered the front of the fireplace with a large plush blanket hoping that it might cushion her fall. We were going to buy the big rubber bumpers but having bought something similar for the entertainment centre and watched as they became toys for Rachel to rip up and chew on we didn't think there was that much point.

Just one more thing to go into her mouth along with the cheerios. Mmmmmm... rubber.


posted by Michael 12:56 PM . . .
. . .
I have to admit... I love football and it is a source of much frustration that ESPN2 (the only sports station we get broadcasting any of the World Cup games at all) is broadcasting those games from 2am-10am. ARGH!

posted by Michael 12:28 PM . . .
. . .
Sometimes jail is the better option...


posted by Michael 12:03 PM . . .
. . .
ComputerWatch2002:
Well... it's day two of a three to five day wait. You know... even though we have a Gateway, a Circuit City and a Best Buy in the area, we ended up going to a smaller local store,
Infinity Computers. They had better prices than the big chains (without the software bundles though *frown*) but what really sold us was their service. The Gateway fellow was polite enough in a not-very-approachable way and we left the store with a bunch of questions. We never even saw a sales rep in Best Buy. The guy at Infinity sat down and sold us a computer.

I just checked the progress of our order and it says 'pending'. When we got our last computer from Dell, it was 'pending' for two months. We're hoping for three more days with this one.

Dell... it rhymes with Hell for a reason.


posted by Michael 11:52 AM . . .
. . .
Wednesday, June 05, 2002
Send in the Troops! Why?

Mike Sanders over at ‘
Keep Trying’ asked anti-war bloggers to write and share their reasons for not backing military action. He asked, “Is there any point at which anti-war bloggers would agree that American military action is called for? What if 50,000 Americans were killed by terrorists? How about 1,000,000 dead Americans?” Well… I’ve never considered myself an anti-war blogger but the label is probably apt. Here’s my feeling on the whole ‘war on terror’.

We can’t win. Unless we’re willing to commit wholesale mass slaughter and wipe out an entire race of people because of what some may or may not believe there is no way –short of genocide- to win a war against terrorism.

Offensively, at best we can only slow it down.

Terrorism is not a state (though it may be state sponsored). There is no physical enemy to point our troops at and shout ‘kill’. There are no objectively defined goals that can be reached in order to secure victory. As VietNam taught us toppling a government does not topple a people. Occupying territory does not change ideology.

Have our sanctions against Iraq been effective in affecting the political ideologies of Saddam Hussein? No. They have only managed to impoverish a nation. Terrorism hasn’t been hurt. Children and starving families have. And when those families look for someone to blame. An outlet for their anger is it their government that they will look to as the cause? Or us? Our policies breed hatred and anger. Hatred breeds terrorism.

I can hear the voices saying that they should blame their own government. And you are right. But that denies the reality of the lives of the people in those countries. They do not have a free press. There is no voice offering a dissenting opinion. Everything they see points the finger of blame at the United States and Israel.

The only way you can win a war against an ideology is with ideology. Changing the perception of the target of terror amongst the offending people. Hatred moved to tolerance. And you don’t succeed in that with troops unless, as I said, you’re willing to kill everyone who holds a differing opinion. You succeed through actions of peace and sponsoring opposition among the people through intelligence efforts.

As more and more evidence comes forward suggesting that the events of 9/11 could have been stopped if our intelligence gathering agencies had been doing their jobs, it seems to me that the solution is a more rigid dedication from those communities toward the safety of the citizens. They don’t need grander, broader powers. They need to use what they have more effectively. Failure shouldn’t be rewarded.

So to work my way back around to the original question: how many Americans have to die before I think it would be appropriate to send in troops. My answer is: show me that the use of troops would be effective in any way toward stopping terrorism. And in the absence of that proof, I think we need to work out a different strategy. How long have we been fighting a ‘war on drugs’? And what dent have we put into the supply coming into the country?

We have been bombing, hunting Al Qaeda, blowing up caves and rooting out terrorists for months in Afghanistan but it hasn't put a dent in the number of terror alerts that we experience on a weekly basis in this country.

We need a better way to fight ‘terror’ than ‘troops’.




posted by Michael 10:22 AM . . .
. . .
Out with the Old...
So I couldn't play this video game that I wanted to play... I thought it was because our computer wasn't high end enough but a friend assured me that our system was adequate and it was probably a video card issue. He pointed me to
the proper site and showed me the file that I needed to download to update my driver.

When I got home I did just that. Except halfway through the installation process I got what appeared to be a message from a drunken kabbalistic demon "SuRegCreateKey failed". I tapped okay. It was my only option. "Setup was unable to complete the installation. Try to setup your display adapter with a standard VGA driver before running setup." I tapped okay again. I should have known that it wouldn't be as easy as my friend had made out. Nothing ever goes right for me with computers. No download ever works properly.

I shrugged slightly, sent off a quick email to the friend detailing what had happened, turned off the computer and headed off to bed.

In the morning I discovered that it was a lot easier to turn off a computer than to turn one back on again. At some time during the night while I was dreaming of kangeroos playing soccer, the devil slipped into my computer. That's right. The Devil.

It is the only logical explanation.

Nothing worked. All the display drivers were gone. I had to access the computer through 'Safe Mode' (and how safe is it really... what with the Devil living inside it and all). I called up the friend and left a pathetic 'help me' message on his machine. By the end of the day I was practically in a state of shock. I left another more frantic message with the friend. I managed to get the computer back up and running using the standard vga driver but everything is super huge and blocky and in glorious 8 colour.

I sent off another email offering to pay the friend for his time and effort. Nothing.

My wife said 'just call him again'. But with four attempts and no replies I took that as a pretty sure sign that he wasn't interested in helping and I should stop pestering him. I do not doubt that people in the IT field hate having all their friends come to them with their computer problems. I don't blame him really.

So we went out and bought a new computer. 3-5 days before it is put together (closer to 5 said the sales person). 3-5 days looking at the large blocky primary coloured screen. This is day one.

I do not doubt that the Devil will quickly realize the switch and he will manage to seep his way into the new system eventually. But with any luck I'll have a couple of days to play on the computer before it happens.


posted by Michael 7:45 AM . . .
. . .
Tuesday, June 04, 2002

Is that a cross under that robe or are you just happy to see me?
According to Fox News (that bastion of impartial journalism) 225 Roman Catholic priests have left their posts since the sex abuse scandal started in January. Now I don't know how many of these are normal retirees and how many can be attributed to 'getting out before things get too hot' but If you're a good Roman Catholic and you believe in Heaven and Hell then you should be thinking that things will probably be getting pretty hot for you some time after your death. That number is shocking but what is even more shocking is the movement away from a zero tolerance policy for pedophile priests. Apparently, it's going to be one strike and you're out. Try it first and if you like it... then seek new employment.

For an institution that is supposed to be concerned with the state of souls they're being pretty cavalier about the state of their own.


posted by Michael 12:26 PM . . .
. . .
Monday, June 03, 2002

I used to talk about philosophy
Kafka, Descartes, Socrates
I used to think metaphysically
But now I think the world revolves around

Baby poo. Baby poo.
All I talk about is Baby poo.

-The Arrogant Worms, Idiot Road

Chances are if you live in the States that you've never heard of the
Arrogant Worms. They wrote the above lyric and sadly there's a great deal of truth in it. I catch myself regaling our friends with stories of the ever changing consistency of our daughter's poop. Sometimes we even choose what foods we're going to feed her based on colour just to see what effect feeding her all-orange will have. And the diaper is an unforgiving indictment of the things that Rachel has managed to swallow without our notice. A piece of scotch tape. A teddy bear sticker given to her by a well meaning staffer at the 'Build-A-Bear' store. It all comes out *cough* *cough* in the end.

I worry sometimes. Have we become one of those couples that you see that have absolutely nothing to talk about except for their kids? Rachel is such a big part of our life demanding as much time as we are willing to give... and more. She touches every facet of our lives. She has changed every routine. Modified every habit. She has exposed our house as a waiting minefield. She has made me look at everyday ordinary things in a new light of wonder and discovery. She has made the remote control a magic wand. She has reminded me that life is to be tasted. She has made Cheerios a delicacy. I am envious watching her experience a time when nothing was dirty.

I want to talk about her. I want to share her with other people. But I also want to be able to talk about other things too. And I don't know where to find that balance.

We loved the build-a-bear store and it was tempting to buy one. The whole production of the gift is appealing. But by the time everything is put together, you're looking at upwards of 150.00 for a stuffed animal. No bear is worth that much.

At least it gave us something else to talk about.

posted by Michael 12:43 PM . . .
. . .
Sunday, June 02, 2002
Reposting this picture because... well because I can.


posted by Michael 10:26 AM . . .
. . .



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